I met with napper tandy And I shook him by the hand He said Ł˘hold me up for chrissake For I can hardly standŁ˘ The most disgraceful journey On which I've ever been The last time that I travelled on The boat train I had a couple of drinks in town A few more at the port I puked up on the gangway But some kind folks helped me board They helped me to a table Poured whiskey down my throat They sat me at a table And I lost my watch and coat First we drank some whiskey Then we drank some gin Then we drank tequila I think that's what did me in Then we drank some brandy And the women had a dance The steward then announced That we could play the game of Ł˘chanceŁ˘ We crowded round the table With our money in our hands I ended up on the other side Without a penny in my pants I woke up in the toilet When we got to holyhead The doors were all a banging And I wished that I was dead Then we went through customs A couple of credited thugs And joints Then they looked for d**gs Stuck a flashlight up my a*s Told us where there's jobs Said Ł˘f**k offŁ˘ now paddy Moke On the boat train Or then we went through customs With a couple of crazy thugs And joints Then they looked for d**gs Stuck a flashlight up my a*s Told some irish jokes Said Ł˘f**k off now paddyŁ˘ Moke On the boat train We got on board the train And then we had a drink or two Started playing poker But the booze ran out at crewe Some people started sleeping Others looked for duty free Some bastard started singing Ł˘the little cottage by the leeŁ˘ He then sang Ł˘paper rosesŁ˘ Ł˘boolavogueŁ˘ Ł˘eileen aruŁ˘ Somebody started slagging off The pakis and the jews First I found some whiskey Then I found some gin I sat down in the corner And I read the daily news First I drank the whiskey Then I drank the gin I tried to make the toilet And I broke my f**kin shin Next thing that I knew I was in london in the rain Staggering up the platform Off the boat train