Ravens-Mount Eerie

[ti:Ravens]
[ar:Mount Eerie]
[al:A Crow Looked At Me]
[by:]
[offset:0]
[00:00.00]Ravens - Mount Eerie
[00:14.77]In October 2015
[00:19.95]I was out in the yard
[00:23.20]I just finished splitting up the scrap two by fours into kindling
[00:31.00]Glanced up at the half moon pink chill refinery cloud light
[00:38.90]Two big blackbirds flew over their wings whooshing and low
[00:45.60]Two ravens but only two
[00:52.61]Their black feathers tinted in the sunset
[01:07.78]I knew these birds were omens but of what I wasn't sure
[01:16.05]They were flying out toward the island where we hoped to move
[01:23.51]You were probably inside
[01:27.18]You were probably aching wanting not to die
[01:30.97]Your body transformed
[01:34.55]I couldn't bear to look so I turned my head west
[01:41.24]Like an early death
[01:45.55]Now I can only see you on the fridge in lifeless pictures
[01:53.96]And in every dream I have at night
[01:57.85]And in every room I walk into
[02:00.15]Like here where I sit the next October
[02:04.80]Still seeing your eyes
[02:08.98]Pleading and afraid full of love
[02:16.74]Calling out from another place because you're not here
[02:26.52]I watched you die in this room then
[02:29.99]I gave your clothes away
[02:35.86]I'm sorry I had to
[02:41.93]Now I'll move
[02:52.22]I will move with our daughter
[02:56.12]We will ride over water
[03:01.54]With your ghost
[03:04.33]Underneath the boat
[03:07.11]What was you is now but bones
[03:11.30]And I cannot be at home
[03:15.51]I'm running reef flailing
[03:37.84]The second time I went to Haida Gwaii it was
[03:41.98]Just me and our daughter
[03:45.49]Only one month after you died my face was still contorted
[03:53.03]Driving up and down boots wet inside aimless and weeping
[04:00.32]I needed to return to the place where we discovered that
[04:07.83]Childless we could blanket ourselves in the moss there
[04:18.66]For our long lives
[04:22.45]But when we came home you were pregnant
[04:26.61]And then our life together was not long
[04:31.03]You had cancer and you were killed
[04:35.35]And I'm left living like this
[04:38.15]Crying on the logging roads with your ashes in a jar
[04:44.99]Thinking about the things I'll tell you
[04:49.00]When you get back from wherever it is that you've gone
[04:57.73]But then I remember death is real
[05:04.41]And I'm still here in Masset
[05:07.98]It's August 12th 2016
[05:11.83]You've been dead for one month and three days
[05:16.30]And we are sleeping in the forest
[05:20.47]There is sand still in the blankets from the beach
[05:25.49]Where we released you from the jar
[05:30.36]When we wake up all the clothes that we left out are
[05:34.79]Cold and damp just from the air permeating
[05:41.68]The ground opens up
[05:46.26]Surrounded by growth
[05:49.76]Nurse logs with layers of moss and life
[05:54.26]Beyond the cedars the sound of water
[05:58.07]Thick salal
[06:00.11]And God like huckleberries
[06:05.03]The ground absorbs and remakes whatever falls
[06:12.82]Nothing dies here
[06:15.51]But here is where I came to grieve
[06:19.18]To dive into it with you
[06:24.02]With your absence
[06:26.79]But I keep picking you berries