[ti:Jolly Captain] [ar:Jake Thackray] [al:Lah-Di-Dah] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]Jolly Captain - Jake Thackray [00:06.62]Written by:Jake Thackray [00:13.24]There once was an old captain who wished nothing more [00:17.78]Than to live again his voyages and walk by the seashore [00:24.23]A simple man and a good man but the bane of his life [00:28.75]Was his ill tempered bad hearted b**ch of a wife [00:34.27]Though the jolly captain was plagued by her bile [00:38.63]He smoked his long pipe and he smiled upon her tenderly [00:43.07]He didn't like her much but he'd loved her despite her rough tongue [00:48.00]The whey faced old nag bag had been his pretty darling once [00:59.95]She fell down her staircase she fractured her neck [01:04.77]She lay upon the linoleum in a black apoplexy [01:10.71]Her baleful eyes bulged with unspeakable abuse [01:15.90]It seems that her spleen had been overproducing [01:21.05]So the jolly captain carried her to bed [01:25.58]Close your poor eyes he said sleep a little peaceably [01:30.22]He brought her fresh butter and cool watercress [01:35.31]Violet and peppermint to soothe her heart's bitterness [01:46.72]From her death bed she said if you marry when I die [01:51.75]I'll crawl from my coffin to haunt you vexatiously [01:57.76]With a howl and a scowl with a shudder and a shake [02:02.65]She spat out her peppermint and went to vex her maker [02:07.66]Unhappy captain so sad when she died [02:12.19]He closed her wild eyes and he cried a bit on the Friday [02:16.70]But he saw no good reason for wasting away [02:21.15]So he married an apple cheeked girl on the Saturday [02:33.85]Alas jolly captain you're married too soon [02:38.64]She'll come to torment you from underneath her tombstone [02:44.48]She'll scratch and she'll claw her way up from the grave [02:49.62]Hacking her way back again with furious fingernails [02:54.56]No said the jolly captain she'll stay in her place [02:58.53]She can scratch she can scrape till she's black in the face [03:02.95]No she won't come to haunt me and taunt me I know [03:07.69]'Cause I buried her face downward she's a long way to go [03:12.47]No she won't come to haunt me and taunt me I know [03:17.09]'Cause I buried her face downward she's a long way to go