NO BOYS ARE GODS

当我对祢漠然岂是无脸面对过去信仰祢的自己？对曾经珍视的弃如敝屣、不认识自己抱着这样麻木感而无法成眠的我无法保证不再重蹈覆辙的我无法正视自己无法讨一个安慰⋯⋯只能承认自己也不是什么好东西然后会好受一点・会否这一路走来，就是为了理解、为了能和谁看到一样的世界、为了能如此地感到珍惜，而曾经搞砸、失败的⋯⋯⋯为了不去强求，而绕了最远的一圈之后只是见到了你——已然了解——或许活着是贪心和无常之间的一场拉锯。・这次我的贪心甘愿礼让无常，我想也许这就是滥情的解方。Time started rolling, floating amidst, innocence was our pilotIn the darkness, without a concrete existence, dodging stars coming our way, we tallied the galaxyOnly if we hadn’t let goIf we reverse back before the Big BangThe world was but a speck, You above me, I inside of YouThe dust settled・Unremembered, how would I exist?If there’s a God, would the God remember?Honing a good version of myself takes so much courageOnly say the word, and I will be made well・When quantum no longer superposes, in the next universe, You who once smiled at meCould be sad again, even if all methods fail, You are the singular key, the meaning of this lifetime・A wave rippled in my heartIf You are God thenYour acquaintance eased the soul(If You never had me, then You wouldn’t have lost me)You are my worst good dream, repeating, repetitively playingNo, NO BOYS ARE GODS・We are the meteors accelerating through the river of timeIn order to meet a certain future wishWhen I consumed myself, falling, I turned to seeEveryone awaits the Godot in their lives that will never arrive・Running into You in the plaza of life, hustling and bustling, recognizing, already etched in my mind becoming something with a different meaningRunning into the future You, All We Have Is Now, I who have only that instant, took You into my armsAnd have been impressed forever・So I only think of You when I see the moonFalling for someone who fell in love with the moon is secludedOther than becoming the moon, how else would one stop the envyThat one time every month, the surges it brought on, the rhythm it created, the memories it touched, like a songIn the universe, humming low and soft, a story of a cross-species connectionWe saw Mars, Venus, and Mercury. You gazed into my eyesYou said, ‘I don’t need satellites’・So be itThe world in equilibriumThis is the darkest journey(If I never had You, then I wouldn’t have lost You)You are my worst good dream, repeating, repetitively playingLet me correct, no NO BOYS ARE GODS・Form does not differ from emptiness, emptiness does not differ from formThat which is form is emptiness, that which is emptiness formThe same is true of feelings, perceptions, impulses, consciousnessSuch existence require no assuranceWhether You remain or not, is not the core of the matterYour existence was defined, crystal clear, there shouldn’t be any regrets・What did Your visit symbolize, maybe nothing at allWhat did Your appearance clarify, maybe all of itWhat did Your disappearance prove, maybe everythingFrom void to existence, from 0 to 1, to 0From the beginning to the end, a deeper understanding, all live and all die ・If I who once held Your hand, went to hold his hand which once held her hand, are we all interconnectedIf I who love You loved You who loved me at one time, does that count as us being in love From then on no matter how hard I tried, fearing even when I’m out of my trance, I could not escape You, the rarest confused with the most divineEven when the before and after and timing are all spot-on precise, Your silhouette all too clear in the fog・The only things that remain are the ones need to be forgotten, regrettedOne on top of the other, they became strugglesBut if we never crossed path, the world wouldn’t be connected, encountering and falling in love would not be existentWhat do You think?・My dream expandsAnd became ponds at your feet